Any progressive creeps here? If so these are 4 U.

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Any progressive creeps here? If so these are 4 U.

Post  fortuna on Mon Mar 19, 2018 12:11 am

> How do court stenographers keep a
> straight face?
> These are from a book called
> "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court,
> word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had
> the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
> WITNESS: July 18th.
> ATTORNEY: What year?
> WITNESS: Every year.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true
> that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
> the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> __________
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the
> 20-year-old, how old is he?
> WITNESS: He's 20, very close to
> your IQ.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your
> picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
> __________
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at
> that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: She had three children,
> right?
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
> attorney?
> __________
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage
> terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it
> terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the
> individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your
> autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: ALL of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
> attend?
> WITNESS: Oral.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that
> you examined the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around
> 8:30 PM.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at
> the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I
> finished.
> __________
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
> a pulse?
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood
> pressure?
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
> began the autopsy?
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure,
> Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he
> could have been alive and practicing law.


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