On my last trip to Costco.

ON MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO: Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a
large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog
and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me askessif I had a
dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and
have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and
IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet
and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with
Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to
try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone Linkin
line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a
poodle's ass and a car hit me.
Some folks were rolling around laughing.