Let's piss off everyone.

Let's piss off everyone....

These are definitely not politically correct questions/statements!


I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, an ear of corn and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and told me, 'I've not eaten for two days. 'I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually.

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you're still black.'

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance,' with a face like that!

A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'what's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'me uncle died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' the man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed. (one of my favorites)

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself... 'I'm grabbing that.'

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, 'where am I'? The farmer looks back up and shouts back, 'you're in a basket you dumb ass'!

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at the church social on Wed. night until I got the last question wrong. The question was "where do women have the curliest hair? Apparently, Fiji was the correct answer. My wife said we could never go back to that church.

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.