WAR Between Ireland and France Averted.

WAR BETWEEN IRELAND AND FRANCE AVERTED
>
>
>Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office
>wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United
>States when his telephone rang.
>
>
>"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at
>the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we
>are officially declaring war on you!"
>
>
>"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is
>your army?"
>
>
>"Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there
>
>is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
dart
>team from the pub. That makes eight!"
>
>
>Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand
men
>in my army waiting to move on my command."
>
>
>"Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
>
>
>Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is
still
>on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
>
>
>"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked.
>
>
>"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
>
>
>Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks
and
>5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one
>hundred
>fifty thousand since we last spoke."
>
>
>"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
>
>
>Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still
>on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie
>McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and
four
>boys from the
>Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"
>
>
>Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I
>
>must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My
>military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
>sites. And
>since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!"
>
>
>"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
>
>
>Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin',
>
>Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the
>
>war."
>
>
>"I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of
>
>heart?"
>
>
>"Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and
>decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners