There once was...........

A devout young lady most fair,
Was having her first love affair.
As she climbed into bed
She reverently said,
"I wish to be opened with prayer."

There was a young virgin most rude
Whose tricks, though exciting, were viewed
With distrust by the males
For she'd fondle their rails
But never would let them intrude.

A young baseball groupie named Glenda
Was the home team's biggest rooter and friend.
But for her the big league
Never held the intrigue
Of a bat with two balls at the end.

There was a young tease name of Linda
Who'd flash her bare charms out the wind'a
But she'd slam her legs shut
The contemptible slut
Whenever you tried to climb inda.

There was a young lady named Drew
Whose cherry a chap had got through
Which she told to her mother
Who fixed her another
Out of rubber and red ink and glue.

Said a woman pushing two baby carriages
"What a strange twist of fate, marriage is.
When you stop to think
That I've thrown in the drink
Five abortions and five miscarriages."

There was a young lady from China
Who mistook for her mouth, her vagina.
Her clitoris huge
She covered with rough
And lipsticked her labia minor.

A horney old trucker named Van Dam
Got a blow job while driving his tandem.
Just as he shot his load,
The truck jumped off the road.
And scattered their bodies at random. I'm sticking with...………..Trump.

There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who was out in the garden a-kneeling.
When by some strange chance
She got ants in her pants,
And invented Virginia reeling.

There was a young lady named Rose,
With erogenous zones in her toes.
She remained onanistic
Till a foot-fetichistic
Young man became one of her beaux.

There was a young Scotsman from Troon,
Who farted and filled a balloon.
The gas drove it so high
That is soared through the sky
And stank out the Man in the Moon.

A nymphet who liked to run free,
Used to perch like a bird in a tree.
Any one who came there
Saw her asshole was bare
And so was her C-U-N-T.

The young lady received an affrontage
When her contractor took as advantage.
Said the County Surveyor,
"Of course you must pay her,
You've altered the line of her frontage."

A king sadly said to his queen,
"In parts you have grown far from lean."
She said, "I don't give a damn'
You always craved beef and ham."
He sneered, "That's a thought most obscene." Happy New Year...……………..idiots.

A young lady wore, one late fall,
A newspaper dress tp a Halloween Ball.
The dress caught on fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.

"Tis reported the Prince Montezuma
Once had an affair with a puma.
The puma in play
Clawed both balls away,
An example of animal humor. A Great goodbye to the Iranian general POS.

A stableman's daughter named Prentiss
Is morally non compos mentis.
She seduces her dad,
And when dad can't be had,
Uses horses in loco parentis.

There was a young lady named Schneider,
Who had an ungodly passion for spiders.
She found a strange bliss,
In the sound of her piss,
As it strained through the cobwebs inside her.

There was a young lady of Worchester
Who dreamt a rooster had seduced her.
She woke with a scream
But 'twas only a dream---
A bump in the mattress has goosed her.

There was a young swimmer named Chad
Who one night that he was a shad.
He dreamt he was spawning
And then, the next morning,
He saw on the sheets, that he had.

There once was a eunuch of Roylem
Took two eggs to the cook and said, "Boil'em.
I'll sling them beneath
My inadequate sheath,
And slip into the harem and foil'em."

There was an old lady of Asia
Who had an odd kind of amnesia.
She'd forget that her cunt
Was located in front,
Which deprived her of most of her pleasure.

In Poland there once was a lass,
Who'd been born with a triangular ass.
The men came in herds,
To see her drop turds,
Each a perfect pyramidal mass.

A horny soldier from Fort Blaney,
Seduced an old maid named Miss Faney.
When his friends, they did jeer,
That she was old and so queer,
He replied, "But the day was so rainy!"

A rapturous young fellatrix
One day was at work on five pricks.
With an unholy cry
She whipped out her glass eye.
And yelled, "Tell the boys, I can take six!"

A winsome young lass name of Blount
Was cursed with a rectangular cunt.
She had to learn for diversion
A posterior perversion
For no one could fit her in front.

A woman who lived in Tucksberry,
Suspected her son was a fairy,
     "It's peculiar," said she,
     "For he sits down to pee,
Then stands when I bathe my dog Harry."

There once was a warden at Wadham,
Who approved of the customs of Sodom.
      "For a man might," he said,
      "Have a very poor head,
But be a fine fellow at bottom."  

There was a young lady from Chichester,
Who made all the saints in their niches stir.
One morning at matins,
Her breasts in white satins,
Made the Bishop of Chichester's britches stir.

There was a young lady from Plain View
Whose boyfriend said, "May I explore you?"
She replied to the chap,
"No, I'll draw you a map,
Where others have been to before you."

An untutored rural young Texan,
Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in
That good Texas ground,
Till the day that he found,
That oil wouldn't come out of his colon.

There was a young lady named Inge
Who went on a popsicle binge.
I won't breathe a word
Of what really occurred,
But her cunt had a damp, sticky fringe.

There was a young lady named Alice
Who thought of her cunt as a chalice.
One night, sleeping nude
She awoke feeling lewd
And found in her chalice, a phallus.

There was a young man of Montrose
Who could diddle himself with his toes.
He did it so neat
He fell in love with his feet
And christened them Agnes and Rose.

Here’s a cute one I think you’ll enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Xv1tMioGgXI?rel=0

A desperate spinster named Clare
Once knelt in the moonlight all bare
And prayed to her God
"Take me here on the sod"
Then a passerby answered her prayer.

A vigorous fellow named Burt
Was attracted to every new skirt.
Oh, it wasn't their minds
But their rounded behinds
That excited this loveable flirt.

The prim lady Bostonian
Had been raised to think sex was a sin.
But when she was tight
Fornication seemed right
So she lunched every day on straight gin.

There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose prick was so long, he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

A prudish WASP girl in New York
Plugged up her cunt with a cork.
A woodpecker or two,
Made the grade, it is true,
But she totally baffled the stork.

The cost of bordellos was steep,
And the horny old Scot was so cheap,
That when he wanted to screw,
There was nothing to do,
But take out his passion on sheep.

There once was a handsome Croatian
Who was the luckiest man in creation.
For his job was the treat
Teaching the Commie elite
The art of erotic copulation.

There was an old maid name of May
Who was strolling one day by the bay.
She was seized by a man
Who raped her and ran.
Now she goes to the bay every day.

There was a young man most forlorn
Whose parents wished he hadn't been born.
For he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.

A mortician who practiced in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How could I know, Judge?
She was cold and didn't budge---
Just the same as she acted in life."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-ZdAIPJ9RM&feature=youtu.be

A vigorous fellow named Burt
Was attracted to every new skirt.
Oh, it wasn't their minds
But their rounded behinds
That excited this loveable flirt.

An Italian man named Marini
Realized he had a dozen bambini.
He said, "If I thought,
Thata my sauce was so hot,
I'da never put inna my weenie.