There once was...........

There was a young Royal Marine,
Who tried to fart, "God Save the Queen."
When he reached the soprano,
Out came the guano
And his britches weren't fit to be seen.

There was a young fellow from Florida,
Who liked a friends wife, so he borrowed her.
When they climbed into the sack,
He cried out, "Alack!
This isn't a cunt, it's a corridor!"

There was a young lady who said,
As her bridegroom got into the bed,
"I'm tired of this stunt,
That they do with my cunt,
You can enter my bottom instead."

There was a young knight name of Lancelot,
On whom women all looked askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass,
Any maiden or lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.

A naïve but shapely hygienist
Abhored the horny old dentist.
To make his conquest easier
He gave her anesthesia
Then screwed her, non compos mentis.

A fencing instructor named Fisk
At sex was too terribly brisk.
So fast was his action
That his lover's contractions,
Foreshortened his foil to a disk.

Three girls and a captain named Hanson
Had a very rough sailing vacation.
The ladies got tough
And swam off in a huff.
The man was the bone of contention.

A shapely young lady named Fern
Puts out and is paid in return.
"And my earnings," she said
"I conceal in my bed,
Since the ads say to save where you earn."

and i hav.nt been able to post. I hope to be back sometime. Keep up the great work. Identify the hypocrites and call them on it.
MAGA. Regards, Fortuna.

Take care and see you soon.

74 years old but I'm fairly strong. Hope I can see another Trump win in 2020.

>Ole and Sven, were holidaying on the beach in Florida while on
vacation,
and Sven couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls.
>
>So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.
>
>"Man, it's obvious to me." says the lifeguard.
>"You're wearing them old baggy Minnesota style
>swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. "They're years
outta
style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two
sizes
too small - and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin'
ya
man...you'll have all the babes ya want!"
>
>The following day, Sven hits the beach with his
>spanking new, tight Speedos and his fist-sized potato.
>
>Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their
faces, turning away, some laughing, some looking sick!
>
>So Ole went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, "Vat's wrong
now?
Sven still isn't picking up babes."
>
>"Holy Cow!" said the lifeguard. "The potato goes in front!"

DID NOT get OK for extra weight on broken hip leg. will see him MAY 4TH. Workin' hard exercising.

Bad broken hip, was in rehab after surgery. After 22 rehab days I was sent to assisted living, on my own dime cuz rehab couldn't do more therapy cuz DR. would not allow weight on hip leg. Been in assisted living for about 6 weeks and the DR. said I could put weight on the bad led and could go back to therapy. BYW, assisted living cost ME $225.00 per day. Therapy said I can't come back as I was OUT of therapy for over 30 days. To get back into therapy and on Medicare's dime you must come back B4 30 days. No one mentioned this to me but they knew the rules. Due to Doc's rules I couldn't get back in BUT if I was told I could have had appropriate work done at my home. 30 years ago I would have been covered by Medicare. I think Bubba and Obumbler administrations are at great fault trying to get people off the gummint dime. I have 13 steps in my home and I live mostly upstairs. The lawyers who write the rules should be liquidated as well as the people in the industry who don't impart the rules. JMO what say U??

An Irishman born in Connaught
Had a penis incredibly short.
His bride, shocked, said,
When they climbed into bed,
"That isn't a prick, it's a wart."

A naïve young boy from farm land
Was told that fucking was grand.
But at his first trial,
He said with a smile,
"I've had the same feeling by hand."

There was a young girl from Madrid,
Who learned she was having a kid.
By holding her water,
for a month and a quarter,
She drowned the poor infant, she did.

There was a young girl from Connecticut
Who didn't care much about etiquette.
Whenever she was able,
She'd piss on the table
And mop off her cunt with her petticoat.

A real estate man's imperfections,
As a lover caused female rejections.
''"I'm deflated," he moaned.
"They're erogenous zoned,
But only for high-rise erections."

There was a young man from Sioux Falls
Renowned in Vaudeville halls.
His favorite trick,
Was to stand on his prick
Then to slide off the stage on his balls.

The beaver of hot-pantied Pearl
Incredibly just didn't curl.
When a hot-handed date
Said, "Your twat hair's so straight!"
She suggested he give it a whirl.

Once bedded, your feminist miss,
Is likely to say, with a hiss,
"By God, all us sisters,
Would kick out all you misters,
If we didn't need THAT to do THIS!"

A maid in the land of Aloha
Got laid in the prow of a proa.
And as the island stud sneezed
The maid, not displeased
Cried, "Come on, let's do it Samoa."

Under the stars waxed a lecher most heinous.
To the girl, "Don't let morals restrain us.
Though I've made a career,
Out of Venus, my dear,
I'm tempted to switch to Uranus."

There was a young coed from Norwood
Whose ways were provokingly forward.
Said her mother, "My dear,
You wiggle, I fear,
Your posterior the way that a whore wood."

There was a young coed at Kent
Who said she knew what it meant
When studs asked her to dine
Upon lobster and wine.
She knew. Oh she knew. But she went!

There was a young woman named Brent
With a cunt of enormous extent.
And so deep and so wide
The acoustics inside
Were so good you could hear when you spent.


The front of the young girl oft got rises
For her breasts were of two different sizes.
One was so small
It was nothing all,
But the other was huge and won prizes.

There was a young man from Green Bay
Who fashioned a cunt made of clay.
But the heat of his prick
Turned it into a brick
And chafed all his foreskin away.

There was an old maid name of Croft,
Who played with herself in a loft,
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals,
Besides which, they did not go soft.

A geneticist whose name was Ralph
Used a test tube to play with himself,
And when he was done,
He labeled it, "Son."
And filed him away on the shelf.

A squeamish young fellow named Brand
Thought caressing his penis was grand.
But he viewed with distaste
The gelatinous paste
That it left in the palm of his hand.

Said a hooker on Wall Street named Bond,
"I've a trick of which clients are fond.
When I've hairsprayed some gold,
On my labia fold,
I'm a gilt-edged negotiable blond."

In the farm belt, a hooker named Blum,
Who's the favorite floozy of some,
Takes her teeth out in bed,
To administer head,
Since her tricks love it, by gum!

A Quick-witted art critic in Soho,
Accosted a fortnight ago,
Is alleged to have quipped,
When a flasher unzipped,
"Your exhibit's well hung sir. Good show!"

Call the study of figures, statistics,
And the study of language, linguistics,
But it's clear that one errs,
When one loosely avers
That the study of balling's, ballistics. Wasn't that fun?

At Wellesley, Vassar and Smith
A common and recurring myth
That a masculine member
Helps students remember
Was found to lack substance or pith.

"I'll tell," smiled frat chairman Mose,
"Why Hatty's the ball date I chose.
She's as cheerfully free,
As the wind o'er the sea,
And besides, like the wind, Hatty blows." Luv dat Hatty.

On a maiden a man once begat,
Male triplets named Nat, Pat and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding.
She hadn't a spare tit for Tat.

When asked to do something salacious
She answered, "Of course not! Good gracious!"
But the sight of his tool,
So induced her to drool,
That her view, in the end, was fellatious. OH my.

"It's my code," said a mailman named Drew,
"to unzip, then deliver a screw.
If virgins, when nervous,
Resist postal service,
I explain that the male must go through. Hmmmm, Yeah sure.


While the bill was debated, Miss Snyder
Had a Senator thrusting inside her.
To a knock on the door,
He replied from the floor,
"Go away, I'm inserting a rider." OH, Mr. Schumer

There was a young lady named Flo
Whose lover pulled out way too slow.
So they tried it all night
Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.

The he-man strode into her office,
Ripped off her pants, then took off his.
He displayed his huge rod---
The difference, by God---
Between what a he-man and a boy is.