There once was...........

In the harem, a lonely girl calls,
But the guard, all unheeding, just sprawls.
When he's asked if he cheats,
On the sultan, he bleats,
"Oh, I would-but I haven't the balls."

A young Polish peasant from Gorsk,
Fell madly in love with his horse.
Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion---
And sodomy's grounds for divorce."

There was a young man from Brighton,
Who thought he'd at last found a tight one.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you're not in the right one."

There was a young wife of Bill Dexter,
Whose husband exceedingly vexed her.
In bed when they'd start,
He'd invariably fart
With a blast that would nearly unsex her.

There was a young girl whose frigidity,
Approached cataleptic rigidity.
Till you gave her a drink,
And she would quickly sink,
In a state of complaisant liquidity.

There was a young goddess, a Venus
Who was obsessed with her lover's big penis.
She liked pubic hair
And balls that were bare,
And she loved jacking him off into Kleenex.

A vigorous fellow named Burt
Was attracted to every new skirt.
      Oh, it wasn't their minds
      But their rounded behinds
That excited this loveable flirt.

There was a young lady named Rose
Who'd occasionally straddle a hose,
      And parade about squirting
      And spouting and spurting,
Pretending she pissed like her beau.  

The young stud got blasted on coke
Then picked up a girl for a poke.
He stripped off her pants,
Fucked her into a trance,
Then shit in her shoes for a joke.

A lovesick skydiver named Sherm
Bailed out with his prick long and firm.
Two jerks plus a spasm,
Produced an orgasm,
And he spelled out, "I love you" in sperm.

An Italian man named Marini
Realized he had a dozen bambini.
He said, "If I thought,
Thata my sauce was so hot,
I'da never put inna my weenie.

There was a man from Kilgras
Who had two big balls made of brass.
When he klinked them together
They played stormy weather
And lightning shot out of his ass.

There was an old fag name of Bruce
Who won a young boy by a ruse.
He filled up his rear fuselage
With a strong brand of mucilage
And he never could pry himself loose.

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam.
He chuckled with mirth,
For in all of the earth,
There were only two tits, and he had 'em!

Of his face the girl thought not so much,
But then, at the very first touch
Her attitude shifted.
He was terribly gifted
At licking, and sucking, and such.

A proper WASP lawyer named Fife,
Had a marriage just filled with great strife
For he thought a perdition
Every sexual position
But lying on top of his wife.

There was a young fellow of Kent
Whose prick was so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went.

If you talk about actions immoral,
Then you'll have to award a big laurel
To a WAVE on the sea
Who took men in threes---
One fore, one aft, and one oral.

The young whore was such a crass shrew
She filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it, too."

A lady tourist supping in Peru,
Found an elephant's cock in her stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout!
Please don't wave it about,
Or the women will all want one, too."

A man found his young maiden bride
Had a cunt that was 12 inches wide.
The groom said, "To fuck it,
I need a prick like a bucket.
To keep me from falling inside."

A young Cajun lady from Natchez,
Was unfortunately born with two snatches.
She often cursed, "Shit!
I'd give up both my tits,
For a man with equipment that matches."

A winsome young fairy from Crete,
Sold his body to tars in the street.
He went sailing one day,
And in a most unusual way,
He clapped up the whole Turkish fleet.

"Since my sex is bisex," said Casey,
"I've chosen a city that's racy.
With it's either-or zest,
I get letters addressed,
To WASHINGTON, D.C. AND A.C."

There once was a horny Norwegian
Who enlivened the French Foreign Legion.
But his brothers-in-arms
Who succumbed to his charms
Got syphllis in their rear regions.

There once were two brothers named Luntz
Who buggered each other at once.
When asked to account
For this intricate mount
They said, "Assholes are tighter than cunts."

A gay prostitute name of Rick
Picked up old drag queens as tricks.
With his hands on their hips
He'd apply his hot lips
To their nipples and testes and pricks.

A young man who lacked an alliance
Began fucking his own ass, in defiance
Not only of custom,
And morals, God bless 'em,
But most of the known laws of science.

There once was a rich Waspish bitch
Who owned a gold dildo, the which,
She would use with delight
Far into the night,
Scratching her avaricious itch.

A lusty young woodsman of Maine
For years with no women had lain.
But he found sublimation
At a high elevation
In the crotch of a pine---God, the pain!

The gays that the faggot was bedding
Were stunned when asked to his wedding.
But he's married a lass
With a face like an azz
And a passion for fellatiating.

The young man received a great jar,
When his cock was shot off in the war.
So he painted the front
To resemble a cunt,
And set himself up as a whore.

I sat next to the preacher at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
His emissions abdominal
Were simply abominable,
And everyone thought it was me!

To Christopher Street came a guy
Who was hetero, homo and bi.
He could have or be had
By a lass or a lad
Or even by both when he'd try.

There once was a Senator Mark,
Who encountered a cunt in the dark.
He said, "Now, by thunder,
It's a citizens treasure,
I declare this a national park."

A sneaky young bachelor named Lodge,
Had seat belts installed in his Dodge.
Once a broad was strapped in
They could commit sin
Without even leaving the garage. A real cheap bastard, Huh?

A man who picnicked with a lass
Ended up making love in the grass.
But the heat of the sun
Spoiled most of his fun
By burning the skin of his ass.

There was a young lady named Tucker
Who jerked off with a tart lemon sucker.
The candy got stuck
And now she can't fuck
Because her vagina did pucker. HAVE A FRUITFUL DAY.

He seduced her and started to rub her,
But, frustrated, was heard to mutter,
"If your feminine glands,
Don't respond to my hands,
I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."

A maiden who lived in Virginny,
Had a cunt that could bark, neigh, and whinny
The hunting set chased her,
But then they replaced her,
When the pitch of her organ went tinny.

The young woman's masturbational style,
Is distinguished by Frenchified guile:
She uses a wiener---
It's safer and cleaner---
She's become a confirmed Frankophile!

A crab working hookers in Natchez,
Takes refuge, when one of them scratches,
In her nook , for a nap,
For the shrewd little chap,
Finds he's safest when sleeping in snatches.

A self deceived woman named Brook
Coyly referred to her cunt as a "nook."
But it was really so wide
You could curl up inside
With a big easy chair and a book.

There was a drunk actor from Stockton
Who told the black girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one!"

A bishop whose See was Vermont,
Used to jerk himself off in the font.
The baptistry stank
With an odor so rank
That no one would sit up in front.

A nun and a priest from Hoboken
Were shipwrecked while sailing the ocean.
In eighty-one days,
They had sex eighty ways.
Imagine such fucking devotion!

A poor widow found herself in great need.
She had nothing to eat but some seeds.
Soon huge tufts of grass
Sprouted out of her ass
And her cunt was covered in weeds.

Said an old maid one fondly remembers,
"Now my days are quite clearly Septembers.
All my fires have burned low,
I'll admit that it's so,
But you still might have fun in the embers."

There was a young farmer named Ruel
Who had a long and incredible tool.
He could use it to plow,
Or to screw a young cow,
Or just as a cue stick at pool.

A ranch hand, from years in the saddle,
Had a penis as flat as a paddle.
It was his rotten luck,
That no sheep he could fuck.
He could only have sex with the cattle.