There once was...........

There was a young faggot named Lloyd
Whose rear end was studded with rhoids.
They ticked so nice
That he drew a high price
From the other gay feminine boys.

A geneticist whose name was Ralph
Used a test tube to play with himself,
And when he was done,
He labeled it, "Son."
And filed him away on the shelf.

The young lady said to old Chester,
When he broke into her room to molest her,
"I think that you'll find,
That you'd best change your mind,
For with herpes my pussy does fester."

The priest was seduced by a siren, Laughing
But his cock was the size of a pin.
Said the whore, with a laugh
As she touched his short shaft,
"This fuck won't be much of a sin."

There was a young swimmer named Chad
Who one night that he was a shad.
He dreamt he was spawning
And then, the next morning,
He saw on the sheets, that he had

An Italian girl named Astaire
Was totally covered by hair.
But the boys all got kicks
From probing with pricks,
For her pussy could be anywhere

An innocent coed, Miss Muldow
Cooed, "Oh my, I don't even know how."
But her professor caught her
And so thoroughly taught her,
She takes on men in threesomes now.        

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were fashioned by God.
But it was not the Almighty,
Who lifted her nighty,
It was Roger, the lodger, by God.  

Under the stars waxed a lecher most heinous.
To the girl, "Don't let morals restrain us.
Though I've made a career,
Out of Venus, my dear,
I'm tempted to switch to Uranus."

There was a young farmer named Ruel
Who had a long and incredible tool.
He could use it to plow,
Or to screw a young cow,
Or just as a cue stick at pool.

A nun and a priest from Hoboken
Were shipwrecked while sailing the ocean.
In eighty-one days,
They had sex eighty ways.
Imagine such fucking devotion!

An acrobatic young man with blond hair
Was fucking a girl on the stair.
The bannister broke
But he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in the mid-air.

A nun and a priest from Hoboken
Were shipwrecked while sailing the ocean.
In eighty-one days,
They had sex eighty ways.
Imagine such fucking devotion!  

There was a young woman named Brent
With a cunt of enormous extent.
And so deep and so wide
The acoustics inside
Were so good you could hear when you spent.  

A milkmaid there was, with a stutter,
Who was lonely and wanted a futter.
She had no where to turn,
So she diddled a churn,
And managed to come with the butter.

A stableman's daughter named Prentiss
Is morally non compos mentis.
She seduces her dad,
And when dad can't be had,
Uses horses in loco parentis.

"All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."


There was a sad wife down in Kent
Whose old man, his pecker was bent.
She said with a sigh,
"OH, why must it die?
Let's fill it with rubber cement."

There was an old hermit of Ware
Who had an affair with a bear.
He explained,"I don't mind,
For she's gentle and kind,
But I wish she had slightly less hair."

There was a drunk actor from Stockton
Who told the black girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one!"

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam.
He chuckled with mirth,
For in all of the earth,
There were only two tits, and he had 'em!

A sperm faced, alack and forsooth,
His moment of sexual truth.
He's expected to fall
On a womb's spongy wall
But was dashed to his death on a tooth.

"When I see a monk's ass, I just grab it,"
Said a lazily amorous abbot.
"Though it's vastly more fun,
To make love to a nun,
It's so hard to get into the habit."

A naïve young boy from farm land
Was told that fucking was grand.
But at his first trial,
He said with a smile,
"I've had the same feeling by hand."

The young stud got blasted on coke
Then picked up a girl for a poke.
He stripped off her pants,
Fucked her into a trance,
Then shit in her shoes for a joke.

There was a young coed at Kent
Who said she knew what it meant
When studs asked her to dine
Upon lobster and wine.
She knew. Oh she knew. But she went!

A desperate spinster named Clare
Once knelt in the moonlight all bare
And prayed to her God
"Take me here on the sod"
Then a passerby answered her prayer.

A horny soldier from Fort Blaney,
Seduced an old maid named Miss Faney.
When his friends, they did jeer,
That she was old and so queer,
He replied, "But the day was so rainy!"


His wife had a nice little cunt;
It was hairy, and soft, and in front.
And with this she'd fuck him
Though sometimes she'd suck him
A charming, if commonplace, stunt.

A lovesick skydiver named Sherm
Bailed out with his prick long and firm.
Two jerks plus a spasm,
Produced an orgasm,
And he spelled out, "I love you" in sperm.

There was a young lady who said,
As her bridegroom got into the bed,
"I'm tired of this stunt,
That they do with my cunt,
You can enter my bottom instead."