There once was...........

There was a young lady who said,
As her bridegroom got into the bed,
"I'm tired of this stunt,
That they do with my cunt,
You can enter my bottom instead."


A shapely young lady named Fern
Puts out and is paid in return.
"And my earnings," she said
"I conceal in my bed,
Since the ads say to save where you earn."

A fencing instructor named Fisk
At sex was too terribly brisk.
So fast was his action
That his lover's contractions,
Foreshortened his foil to a disk.


There was a young fellow from Kent
Who had a peculiar bent
He collected the turds
Of various birds
And had them for lunch during Lent.

A besotted wench had an affair
With a fellow all covered with hair.
When she picked up his hat
And realized that
She'd been had by Smokey the Bear.

A wanton young woman named Lake,
Fell so perversely in love with her snake,
That she wished the boa
Could shoot spermatozoa
So remarkable offspring they'd make.

The Wop girl with features cherubic
Had a monstrous area pubic.
When asked about her size
She replied with surprise,
"Are you asking 'bout square feet, or cubic?"

There was a young coed at Kent
Who said she knew what it meant
When studs asked her to dine
Upon lobster and wine.
She knew. Oh she knew. But she went!

A shapely young lady named Fern
Puts out and is paid in return.
"And my earnings," she said
"I conceal in my bed,
Since the ads say to save where you earn."

A wanton young woman named Lake,
Fell so perversely in love with her snake,
That she wished the boa
Could shoot spermatozoa
So remarkable offspring they'd make.

In the harem, a lonely girl calls,
But the guard, all unheeding, just sprawls.
When he's asked if he cheats,
On the sultan, he bleats,
"Oh, I would-but I haven't the balls."

A lovesick skydiver named Sherm
Bailed out with his prick long and firm.
Two jerks plus a spasm,
Produced an orgasm,
And he spelled out, "I love you" in sperm.

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam.
He chuckled with mirth,
For in all of the earth,
There were only two tits, and he had 'em!

A stableman's daughter named Prentiss
Is morally non compos mentis.
She seduces her dad,
And when dad can't be had,
Uses horses in loco parentis.

A naïve but shapely hygienist
Abhored the horny old dentist.
To make his conquest easier
He gave her anesthesia
Then screwed her, non compos mentis.

A Russian young lady of fashion,
Had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lovers she said,
As they'd climb into bed,
"Here's one thing those Commies can't ration."

A young Polish peasant from Gorsk,
Fell madly in love with his horse.
Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
That horse is a stallion---
And sodomy's grounds for divorce."

There was a young girl from Connecticut
Who didn't care much about etiquette.
Whenever she was able,
She'd piss on the table
And mop off her cunt with her petticoat.

There was a young farm girl named Sutton,
Who said, as she cut up the mutton,
"My father preferred,
Screwing sheep from the herd,
This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

A hot-blooded Scot from Glasgow
Didn't care where he buried his prow.
In one day he screwed,
Four whores and a ewe,
Then ended by fucking a sow.

There was an old fag name of Bruce
Who won a young boy by a ruse.
He filled up his rear fuselage
With a strong brand of mucilage
And he never could pry himself loose.

The streetwalker said to the hick,
"I refuse to suck farmers' boys' dicks.
I really don't mind
The hay dust and grime
But the smell of your balls makes me sick."

A prostitute's perfect condition
Was a tribute to sperm as nutrition.
Her remarkable diet---
She urged all to try it---
Was solely her clients emission.


There was a young man from Brighton, Cool
Who thought he'd at last found a tight one.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you're not in the right one."

A desperate spinster named Clare
Once knelt in the moonlight all bare
And prayed to her God
"Take me here on the sod"
Then a passerby answered her prayer.

There was a young farm girl named Sutton,
Who said, as she cut up the mutton,
"My father preferred,
Screwing sheep from the herd,
This is one of his children I'm cuttin'."

A mortician's young daughter named Maddie
Told an eager, virginal laddie,
"If you do what I say,
We can have a great lay,
Since I've buried more stiffs than my daddy."


A gay prostitute name of Rick
Picked up old drag queens as tricks.
With his hands on their hips
He'd apply his hot lips
To their nipples and testes and pricks.

There was a young man most forlorn
Whose parents wished he hadn't been born.
For he wouldn't have been
If his father had seen
That the end of the rubber was torn.

A lovesick skydiver named Sherm
Bailed out with his prick long and firm.
Two jerks plus a spasm,
Produced an orgasm,
And he spelled out, "I love you" in sperm.

There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose prick was so long, he could suck it.
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."

A gorgeous young woman named Sweeney,
Was a cock teasing bitch, a real meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a latch that would catch.
She could only be screwed by Houdini.

The old woman hopped on for a ride,
And they humped---till he suddenly died.
His wife, for a week,
Sat on his stiff peak,
And bounced up and down as she cried.

There was a young lady named Flo
Whose lover pulled out way too slow.
So they tried it all night
Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.

There was a young girl from Madrid,
Who learned she was having a kid.
By holding her water,
for a month and a quarter,
She drowned the poor infant, she did.

There was a young lady named Drew
Whose cherry a chap had got through
Which she told to her mother
Who fixed her another
Out of rubber and red ink and glue.

There was a young girl name of Dale
Who put her ass up for sale.
For a twenty buck ante,
You could feel her fanny,
And fifty would get you real tail.

A zookeeper in lovely Capri,
Screwed a baboon by the sea.
The results were most horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
Four balls and a purple goatee.

A young girl on a trip to the equator,
Was fucked by an old alligator.
No one ever knew
How she relished the screw,
For after he fucked her he ate her.

A prostitute's perfect condition
Was a tribute to sperm as nutrition.
Her remarkable diet---
She urged all to try it---
Was solely her clients emission.

There was a young girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were fashioned by God.
But it was not the Almighty,
Who lifted her nighty,
It was Roger, the lodger, by God.

An innocent coed, Miss Muldow
Cooed, "Oh my, I don't even know how."
But her professor caught her
And so thoroughly taught her,
She takes on men in threesomes now.

A sheriff from Bennington Junction
Whose organ had long ceased to function
Deceived his good wife
For the rest of her life
With the aid of his trusty wood truncheon.

There was an old maid name of May
Who was strolling one day by the bay.
She was seized by a man
Who raped her and ran.
Now she goes to the bay every day.

There was a young girl name of Bass
Who had absolutely no class.
Her idea to please,
Was to get on her knees
So a prick could be shoved up her ass.

There was a young lady named Flo
Whose lover pulled out way too slow.
So they tried it all night
Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.

Said a worldly old maid named Noreen,
"I prefer a man of eighteen.
His pecker's more stiff,
When he thrusts in my quiff,
And he screws in a manner obscene."


A bisexual chap name of Lunt
Taught himself an unusual stunt.
He could peel back his spout,
Then turn the skin inside out
Like a glove, to be used as a cunt. BLM Blue Lives Matter

There was a young lady named Schneider,
Who had an ungodly passion for spiders.
She found a strange bliss,
In the sound of her piss,
As it strained through the cobwebs inside her.


The girl was beset with hysteria,
For she thought she'd come down with malaria.
But the family doc
Remarked, to her shock,
"It's crabs in the vaginal area."